Loving Jesse Read online

  He hugged me, and I thanked him feeling like I’d never see him again. I waited until he and Scout where just a spec on the horizon before I went upstairs to my room and let the flood gates open.

  Todd and I are parked off on a dirt road the following day. He brings me home from school, but Gram notices if I’m not home by a reasonable time once school is out. Today, we both skipped last period study hall. We do that occasionally. I forged a note from Gram saying I had a dentist appointment.

  We have the seats pushed as far back as they go in his old beater, a 1985 Mustang. My top is off, and he’s already felt me up good and sucked on my tits, left a couple of sucker bites there the way he likes to. I don’t know what that’s supposed to do for me, but whatever it is, I think it’s seriously over-rated.

  His hand dips down below the waistband of my jeans, his fingers traveling to no man’s land.

  “Todd,” I say, moving my lips from his, “Don’t.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because it doesn’t feel good, that’s why.”

  “But I just want to finger-fuck you, babe. There’s no danger in that now is there?”

  He presses his lips back to mine and his fingers reach my slit. He spreads my lips apart, and immediately tries to shove his middle finger up inside of me.

  Hard.

  “Shit,” I hiss loudly. “That fuckin’ hurts!”

  “Give me a minute here. I’ll get you lubed up.”

  “Aren’t you supposed to do that first?” I ask angrily, pushing his arm from me so that his hand leaves my crotch.

  “Dammit, September, how are either one of us going to learn if we don’t experiment, huh?”

  “Don’t you watch porn like most dudes?”

  And that pisses him off.

  “Fuck it,” he growls, sitting up and scooting back to his own seat. “What the hell are you saving it for?”

  And then I’m pissed.

  I find my tee shirt, and pull it on over my head. Maybe now is a good time to tell him about my summer plans.

  I wait until we’re back on the road, heading to my house and then I tell him about going away for the summer, to help Jesse with Scout.

  “What the hell? You’re going to Arkansas for the summer? You can’t seriously want to spend the summer babysitting?”

  “Why not? I’m saving for a car,” I remind him. He’s seventeen the same as me, but he already has his own car and I want one. I’m hardly ever allowed to go anywhere with him anyway. If I have my own car, I’ll have more freedom.

  “It just blows thinking of spending the summer without you and all.”

  “You have a summer job,” I point out, “So it’s not like we’d be able to spend all that much time together, right?”

  “Yeah, I guess,” he sighs. “Just thought this might be the summer where we . . . uh, you know sealed our deal.”

  Oh, please.

  “I dream of my first time being with someone . . . experienced. I don’t want it to be a bumbling mess . . . I want it hot,” I say, knowing exactly what those words will do to his ego, but I don’t give a shit.

  “Oh yeah? Well plenty of other girls might like the chance of getting their experience with me, did you ever consider that?”

  I shrug. “Whatever, Todd. You know where I stand.”

  “Yeah, sounds as if you’ve decided on a couple of things,” he says, disappointment lacing his voice.

  “Pretty much.”

  “Then why tell me at all?”

  “Don’t be like that. We’ve still got a couple of weeks and it’s just for the summer. Maybe some breathing room is good at our age.”

  But he doesn’t buy it.

  At all.

  He pulls into our gravel drive now, and stops by the walkway to the house.

  “Something you trying to tell me?” he asks.

  “No.”

  Maybe.

  “Look September, you do what you want. You always do anyways. I’ll see you tomorrow at school.”

  “Thanks for the ride,” I reply, getting my backpack and exiting his car. He peels off, throwing some gravel along the way.

  Gram is peeling apples in the kitchen when I come in. “Sounds like Todd left mad. What’s that about?”

  Did I mention I have no privacy?

  “Aww, he doesn’t like the idea of me going to Arkansas for the summer.”

  I see her breathe a sigh of relief, because up until this point, I haven’t made my decision.

  No, that’s a lie.

  Up until this point I simply haven’t informed my grandparents that I was going. There was never a doubt in my mind that I’d go.

  “So, you’ve decided then?”

  “I don’t see how I could refuse. Good money and spending time with my little sister. It doesn’t get any better than that,” I reply, grabbing an apple from the counter, and taking a bite of it.

  “I’ll give Jesse a call after supper,” she replies.

  Later, in the only place I have privacy—my room, I pull my egg-shaped vibrator out of its hiding place. I’m lying naked beneath my sheets; the overhead ceiling fan is circulating a soft breeze as I think about how I want my first time to be totally hot.

  I squeeze my thighs together just thinking about how good it might feel losing my cherry to someone who’s been around the block a few times—not my boyfriend who just had his braces removed a month ago.

  I gaze at the open locket on my bedside table. The picture I put inside wasn’t one of Todd. It’s a snapshot I found in one of Gram’s photo albums, one of Mama with Jesse. I cut her out of it, so it’s only Jesse’s handsome face smiling at me in my private room while I do things to myself that I won’t allow Todd to do.

  Because I need it . . . hot.

  My fingers separate the folds of my pussy, and I work them, feeling myself get wet. My vibrator sends shock waves of pleasure through me when I massage my clit, changing speeds back and forth, my hips now gyrating. My eyes are closed, but in my head I envision sapphire eyes and raven dark hair hovering close. Lips touching, tongues exploring, muscles flexing and rippling.

  I moan softly as I bring myself to orgasm.

  I’m getting really good at this.

  Chapter 2

  * * *

  June 1, 2010

  2914 Juniper Drive, Fort Smith, Arkansas

  Jesse’s moved into a regular house now. I’m not sure when that happened because we haven’t been in touch much over the past few years. Scout comes to Meridian once or twice a year, but Jesse drives her down and then comes back to pick her up. I’m usually not at home when he does, and that’s by design.

  The truth is part of me hasn’t forgiven him for not keeping me with them. It’s been four years and the pain has now morphed into a dull ache that rarely surfaces, but isn’t totally gone. Maybe it never will be.

  “This is nice,” I say to him, following him down a hallway to where the bedrooms are located.

  Jesse still looks handsome at twenty-nine and my teen-age eyes are drawn to his ass and how his jeans make it look kind of epic.

  “Thanks,” he replies, entering the second door on the right. “Here’s your room.”

  “I have my own?”

  “Yep. Got three bedrooms now. You and Scout share a bathroom, I have my own. Your mom always wanted a house like this. Too bad she didn’t stick around long enough to see me make that happen.”

  And I know for whatever reason, Jesse still thinks about her. More than I do, that’s for sure.

  I turn to face him and I catch his blue eyes perusing me, as if seeing me for the first time. I’m wearing tight shorts and my long legs are lightly tanned already. His eyes move back up to mine.

  “It’s good seeing you again. You’re growing up to be beautiful.”

  I watch his full, sensual mouth; his words finally make their way to my brain and connect. “Just like your Ma,” he finishes.

  An
d the compliment is spoiled.

  From the back of the house a door slams and I hear the sound of Scout’s voice ring out.

  “Is September here?”

  “I’m here!” I call out and within seconds she’s bouncing into my room, throwing her arms around me tightly.

  “Hey there, take it easy, Scout,” Jesse scolds though he’s smiling down at his daughter with pride. “Don’t break your sister.”

  And with that he leaves us alone. Scout is talking a mile a minute, filling me in on how much she loves the new school she goes to now that they’ve moved to this new house, and her new friend, Catherine, that lives just next door.

  “Wanna go meet her?” she asks, her blue eyes sparkling with happiness. And I’m glad that she’s happy.

  “Sure,” I reply, tugging at her ponytail. “Lead the way.”

  And so we go outside and across the concrete driveway, Scout’s hand in mine, as she knocks on the screen door of the two-story white colonial with red shutters and proudly presents her ‘big sister’ to her new friend, Catherine.

  Catherine looks to be about the same age and mumbles a shy ‘hello’ and then off they go down into the basement to kill water bugs.

  “That’s their new favorite pastime,” a thirtyish looking woman says, coming out onto the porch, giving me a smile. “You must be September, right?”

  I nod.

  “I’m Catherine’s mom, Casey,” she says, holding her hand out for me to shake. “That’s all Scout’s been talking about for the past two days. It’s really nice to meet you. You wanna sit for a minute?”

  Before I have a chance to respond, she tells me she’s got some sun tea in the kitchen and instructs me to have a seat while she fetches me a glass.

  I take a seat on the porch swing, wondering why she wants to chat with me. She doesn’t even know me.

  It doesn’t take long once she returns to figure out that it’s Jesse she’s interested in—in a major way.

  “So, that father of yours sure does work hard and long hours, doesn’t he?”

  Sipping my iced tea, I’m aware of the slight blush that colors her cheeks after she makes the statement. “He’s my step-dad,” I clarify, “And I guess I can’t speak to his work routine, because truthfully, I haven’t spent any time with him over the past several years since my mother took off on us.”

  “Oh, so he’s divorced then I guess? Scout wasn’t sure. . ,” she’s fumbling now all over her words. Jesse must affect her big time.

  “Actually, I’m not even sure about that myself,” I answer honestly. “Want me to ask him?”

  “Oh heavens no,” she replies quickly. “I didn’t mean to be nosey like that. He’s just kind of a quiet person and hasn’t lived here long; I guess I’m just curious.”

  Curious? Nosey? What’s the difference?

  I remain silent.

  “Now I offered to keep Scout if he needed me to since I’m a school teacher and I’m off for the summer, but he wouldn’t hear of it. Said he didn’t want to be an imposition. I suppose that sitter he was using didn’t work out for him since he has you here now.”

  She’s pressing for information that I simply don’t have. “I guess,” I reply with a shrug. “I haven’t had a chance to talk to Jesse yet. So thank you Mrs. . . . ?”

  “Just call me Casey, hun. I’m not a ‘missus’ anything anymore. Catherine’s dad and I are divorced you see.”

  “Yes, M’am—I mean, Casey. Thanks for the tea.”

  “Anytime, sugar. And tell your step-daddy I’ll have you all over for dinner soon, kind of a get-to-know-your-neighbor thing, okay?”

  “Sure will. See ya.”

  Luckily, I wait until I turn and head down the porch steps before I let go of my eye-roll. I know that Jesse has every right to pursue female company, even at my age I can understand that. And then my mind wanders to the possibility of Jesse falling in love with Casey. I mean, they are around the same age I suppose.

  I’m bothered by the thought of him being in love with her, or with anyone for some reason, and I’m not sure why. Clearly I think he deserves better than my mother, so it’s not about hoping for them to reconcile. I’m not sure what it is, so I push it from my mind and head back into the house to catch up with Jesse and find out exactly what his expectations are regarding my duties for the summer.

  Chapter 3

  * * *

  July 4, 2010

  It’s been a little over a month since I first arrived at Jesse’s home in Fort Smith. We’ve got a nice routine going, and taking care of Scout and doing the housework has proven lucrative for me.

  He pays me one hundred and fifty dollars a week to watch Scout, clean the house, do laundry and prepare meals. Scout helps me a lot so it’s not really that big of a deal. He gives her weekly chores to earn an allowance and she loves tucking her ten dollars a week into her piggy bank. She’s saving for a skateboard and helmet.

  Jesse rolls his beautiful dark blue eyes every time she starts yammering about it. Once she leaves the room he confides in me that he hopes she changes her mind about the skateboard by the time she has enough saved.

  “Why?” I ask.

  “It’s too fuckin’ dangerous,” he mumbles.

  “Then why don’t you just tell her ‘no’?” I ask, showing my confusion.

  He gives a pensive smile. “Because it’ll only make her want it more, and I don’t want it to be a bone of contention between us,” he replies. “She’ll lose interest before she has enough money, especially since I keep telling her the price is going up.” He gives me a rare wink and I melt.

  “You’re a good dad.”

  He steps closer to me and I can feel my heart race at his nearness for some reason. The masculine scent that’s only his and is familiar once again assaults my senses. “And you’re a good sister to her, September,” he says softly, pushing a stray lock of my blond hair behind my ear. “It’s been good for her having you here. I want you girls to always be close with one another, no matter what.” His dark sapphire eyes are warm with affection and my belly feels like butterflies are swarming.

  “We will be,” I reply smiling, “No matter what.”

  The moment is broken when his cell chimes and he looks at the caller I.D.

  “Casey,” he says, “I’ll take this in the other room.”

  I take a deep breath and my mind quickly pushes those thoughts I have about Jesse out. It doesn’t seem appropriate, besides he and Casey have started seeing one another.

  That’s right.

  True to her word, she invited us all to dinner the week after I arrived, and broke the ice with my step-father rather nicely. She sends casseroles over through the week to help me out, and baked goods that are to die for. The woman can cook and bake for sure. She’s a nester, no doubt about it.

  He works twelve hour days, when in town, and his overnights to Oklahoma have dwindled to maybe once every other week. He’s always home on the weekends to spend time with Scout and me.

  The last two Saturday nights he’s taken Casey out to dinner and then to a movie. It’s getting to be a routine it seems. Casey pays me twenty bucks to watch Catherine when they go out.

  Catherine spends the night at our house, and last Saturday, I noticed Jesse’s truck was back in the driveway an hour and a half before he came through the door.

  “Waiting up for me?” he teased.

  I felt my cheeks flush, and I quickly tried to cover my embarrassment by saying something lame like I didn’t know how late it was.

  He comes back into the kitchen where I’m finishing up the breakfast dishes.

  “Casey’s invited us all over to her place for a cookout this evening,” he announces. “Scout and Catherine are going to camp out in the backyard. Apparently, Catherine got a pup tent that she wants to try out.”

  “Okay, sounds like fun. Does she need me to bring anything?”

  “I didn’t think to ask,” he replies sh
eepishly. “Want me to call her back?”

  “Never mind. I’ll pop over there in a few minutes myself. Catherine left some of her Barbie dolls over here and if I don’t take them back over, Scout will claim squatter’s rights on them.”

  He chuckles softly. I love seeing him happy—just not with her.

  “You two getting serious?” I ask and immediately wonder what the hell I was thinking by asking that. He doesn’t owe me any explanation and it’s seriously not any of my business.

  “Not really,” he says with a shrug. “She’s a good woman, but I’m still officially married, and she knows that. I can’t commit to anything permanent at the moment, not that she’s expecting that or anything.”

  I’m still shell-shocked at the fact that my mother hasn’t divorced him—or vice versa. He notices the expression of shock on my face.

  “You okay?”

  “You’re still married to Mama?” I ask, not hiding the total surprise that overwhelms me.

  “She’s done nothing about it and it’s kind of hard for me to do anything when I don’t even know where the hell she is.”

  “But,” I continue, “What if you want to marry someone else someday?”

  “I won’t,” he says, wanting to change the subject. “So, are you in for going next door this evening? If you have other plans, it’s okay.”

  How could I have other plans? My life is totally wrapped up with taking care of Scout—and Jesse, too. He realizes the absurdity of what he’s just said.

  “You know, I feel bad that you’re spending the summer away from your friends—and maybe even your boyfriend. I know there’s not much time for you to meet friends here, but anytime you want to venture out on the weekend, you know—like to the mall or something, please just ask. I’ll let you borrow the truck or figure out some way to get you there, okay?”

  “I don’t have my driver’s license yet. Just my learner’s permit from Mississippi” I reply sheepishly. “My grandparents said I couldn’t get my license until I could afford my own car and insurance.”